Mindfully Integrative Show

Mindful Chat with Verna Haywood La Vie Wellness

November 12, 2021 Dr. Damaris Grossmann DNP FNP Season 1
Mindfully Integrative Show
Mindful Chat with Verna Haywood La Vie Wellness
Show Notes Transcript

Verna Haywood fled an abusive relationship
in Trinidad with just £100 and a suitcase and
came to the UK in 1997 determined to be the
voice for women in similar situations who have
yet to find their own strength.
She is the Founder of health and wellness
business, La Vie, which means life, where she
empowers and inspires women.
At La Vie, Verna uses the seven pillars of
health and wellness to Rebalance, Restore
and Renew women to enable them to live a
life of wholeness. Verna’s method combines
a holistic approach to re-establish harmony
between body, mind and soul. It draws on the
principles she learned growing up on the island
of Grenada, in the Caribbean, using nature and
seasonal produce to feed, sustain and medicate
to ensure a healthy, balanced life.
Verna is the original spice girl from the Island
of Spice. She now lives in Dorset, on the south
coast of England, with her husband and is the
author of the upcoming book, Unstoppable -
How to Live an Empowered Life.
www.lavierefresh.co.uk


laviehealthandwellness@gmail.com

Support the show
Damaris Grossmann:

Hi, how are you? This is Dr. De Maris, Maria Grossman. And this is the mindfully integrative show, podcast. So thank you so much today because we have a wonderful guest her for our mindful chat. Her name is Verna Haywood the life the light, the counselor and guide and wonderful woman. I think she's also an author and she's from the UK. And she's here to talk about many things in our life and her story and I can't wait for you guys to listen to her and all that she has to offer. She has this beautiful sunset behind her and bringing in some rays of light and sun and life to us in this chat. So Verna Heywood, thank you so much for coming and joining us today.

Unknown:

Thank you very much up to them. Yes. I am very grateful for you inviting me in. So it is a pleasure to come to speak with you and your audience.

Damaris Grossmann:

Oh, I'm so glad that you took some time for us. And we really appreciate the the moments and the time and for today. Can you kind of as I tell others can you kind of say a little fun fact or something that people don't know about you that they can find out?

Unknown:

Okay, and then the fun fact about me I am the original Spice Girl.

Damaris Grossmann:

Tell me about this. I want to hear more.

Unknown:

Okay, so why am I the original Spice Girl I was born in Grenada. And Grenada is full of spices. Well, we have a spice Island we known as a spice Island. So being where I am, I just think is just the perfect perfect thing to be you know, be proud of where I'm from. Be proud of what we you know we produced and who we are. And so the original Spice Girl is me because that's just who I am.

Damaris Grossmann:

What is your favorite spice like for me lately? I don't know if I my favorite spice. My husband's making some more like yogurt chickens. So he's been doing a little bit of like saffron and sumac. Lately, I don't know just different spices has been thrown some time. What is your favorite spice Miss Spice Girl.

Unknown:

Oh my goodness as my favorite spice I love. I love a little bit of ginger with a little bit of tumeric. Especially when I'm seasoning meat and stuff like that we like marinated, they put a little bit of turmeric and a little bit of spices, maybe a peppers and things like that. Bring a little bit of color. Especially when they do one of the other four main thing back in Grenada is is oil down. And they tend to use a lot of tumeric in that so is a like a national diction. I haven't had it for years. So sometimes when I think about that, when I think about when they cook and I look at it any oh my gosh, that is so good. So I don't even have to be there to taste it. I can taste it without even being there. Oh, I

Damaris Grossmann:

love that idea. I'm not I've never had it I that sounds like something What is it a meat dish? Or is it a vegetarian dish?

Unknown:

It is he could be both it could be meat or vegetarian. So if you want to put meat in it, you can do that. Or if you don't want to put any meat and he can do it as well. So and you can make it with different types of different things. Some people put crab in it, or some people put maybe salt, meat and things like that. So you put whatever, whatever you want, you can put in it, but it's just really, really lovely, really nice to really sit back and have your national dish show traditional dishes just just lovely to teach all the spices in it and everything like that. So yeah, so the original Spice Girls,

Damaris Grossmann:

I love it. I love it. I love how you said that. So I I know you're on the show to kind of talk to the audience and those watching about your story and how you are helping others in I say the integrative health space, but how people have transitioned themselves in their life beyond just the traditional way, and how you found your own mindful way. So would you like to share a little bit more about that with us?

Unknown:

Yes, I would. I think, for me, it's all about I'm working from the inside out. I am a qualified practitioner in terms of holistic therapies. So in terms of doing holistic therapies, I can massages reflexology, and things like that. But initially before I got to that I initially wanted to become a nurse because I saw my big sister, and she was the first black nurse in Holland. I saw a picture of her with all her colleagues. And I thought oh, I want to be like her when I grew up. But I couldn't stand That, Oh, you didn't want to be like, Oh, yeah, so I carried on working in the hospital and the cover long story short, I decided, Okay, I wanted to retrain as a therapist. So I trained as a therapist. And then I decided I wanted to go straight to university. And I had a lecturer who was very, very nice, very encouraging. And she said to me, I'll always remember her senior year and she said to me, Vernon, no, you have a gift, go use your gifts, before going to university, know that anything is wrong with that, you know, you don't want to become just an academic, you want to use that. Not that there was anything wrong with becoming an academic, but you want to use the gift that you have. And so I worked on cruise liners for some time. And then I decided to go back to university and then did my degree. So I did that, and it's all about for me is wellness is important. And I think working naturally with your body. And growing up in the Caribbean, it meant that I grew up with my grandmother and great grandmother. And so everything was in the garden, if there was an ailment, we went to the garden, we picked whatever it was and bring it back to them. And they made a medicine for us. It wasn't about take a tablet or anything like that. Yes, we had our tetanus injection, and polio and all of that. But mainly anything for a headache, or tummy ache or a cut or a bruise. It was in the garden, the medicine came from the garden. And so I learned that and I grew up with that sign knew what it meant to eat naturally and eat food that was in season because they were like, eat what is in season, don't eat anything out of season. Because your body need those nutrients your body needs those enzymes at that point was thinking what are these people talking about? enzymes and nutrients and all of these things. We think we know it all. But having grown up and have been working working in industry now for over 20 something years, I get to realize that all the things that I was doing has been taught it was preparing me for a time like this. So sometimes we don't know where we going to end up. And it's so important to pay attention. I wish I had paid more attention, because then I know that I had my own natural I know that.

Damaris Grossmann:

So yeah. I really feel like the with age and with time or the olden kind of conversations, they say it's like traditional, the traditional versus ancient or alternative. But you know that there, there was a lot of knowledge and there is still a lot that we don't know, you know, yeah, it's just amazing. Um, can you go into a little bit more of not just your family, but how you kind of came now in your patients that you treat our people that you know, you counsel, and what exactly had happened that made you more into what kind of patients I use that you counsel now and help? Okay, what

Unknown:

I'm having trained as a therapist, I think, for for a long time, I want a new coach, you coach. Yeah, I do, I do a bit of coaching as well. Because when I see my clients, I coach them into their wellness what they should be doing and how they should be doing that. And now I'm writing a, I'm creating a course, based on what I have experienced. And then I'll tell you a little bit more about that in a little while. But one of the things that I have always wanted to do, I've always wanted to be inspirational and motivational speaker so I can help others and I can talk to them about my experiences. Because I think nothing happened by accident. And those things that happen to me were horrible. But I take the good I've learned from a very young age to take the good in that and to, to help myself to grow and develop. So for example, when I was very young, I was abused sexually, from a very young age. And that went into my teenage years. And then I got married and I was abused by my former husband and I thought oh my goodness, hello. Hello from falling, falling from their fried frying pan into the fire and thinking No, this is not gonna I'm not gonna I'm not going to take this anymore. I've had enough of that. And so I decided when I saw the role it was going to go down. I decided, Okay, yes, I have a an apartment, a two bedroom apartment, fully furnish everything in that he didn't have to bring anything at all. Am I going to lose my life for that? And so because he was in the army, and so I decided, no, when he started talking about bringing guns and stuff at home, I just thought no and that is that That is the end of the road for me. So I've always been spiritual. So for me, it was like, you know, Father, you said you would never leave me alone. You said you would you protect me. You said, When my mother and father forsake me, you will take me up. You said that, you know, I am the head and not the tail. So I started repeating those things I said, I have got to get out of here. And so I left with 100 pounds in a suitcase, and came to England, I had family here in England. So I was in Trinidad at the time living in Trinidad at the time. So I, I left. And because I needed to be as far away as possible. I could have gone to the States, because I have family in New York. But I decided New York is too close to Trinidad, and everybody in New York know one another. So there isn't any way I will go there because his family lives in New York. And I just thought, No, I have to get as far away as possible. And so coming to England was the safest distance for me to get away from it all and start my life afresh. So in terms of anybody think you know that you're in an abusive marriage? And you're not sure? Or you don't you think you have to stay there thinking about oh, my gosh, what am I going to do, you can make it, don't relinquish your power to someone else. Because that's exactly what you're going to be doing. You're giving someone else authority over you again, and someone else, your power to use you and abuse you. And there is no need for that we don't deserve that we need to be cherished, we need to be loved. The greatest thing because when we have love, that love supersedes anything unconditional love. So even in spite of what has happened, I don't wish in any bad, I wish him well. But I don't have to be there to undergo that I don't have to be his footstool. And most of us have got to think about that. We don't have to be anyone's for sore. So for me, I had to get away. And in that getting away, it took me some time to realize exactly where I wanted to be. So I had I had my own business in terms of how to spa and everything else, employee staff and everything. But during COVID, I went through some things just prior to COVID. And then during call when I started hearing about so much abuse and everything women were going through again, because women is at the forefront. Not that men don't get go to abuse, but women are at the forefront of being abuse. And so I had to look deep within myself and then decided, Okay, this is time for me now to get out and speak boldly about it. So I had a conversation with my brother and my sister, letting them know what had happened to me. And then my sister because I didn't want to offend anyone, I didn't want to talk about it. And they were not prepared or ready for it. And then my sister said to me, You have to talk about it. You have to go and talk about it. You have to tell others you have to help others. And yes, here I am.

Damaris Grossmann:

And I'm I'm very, I think that you're very brave to talk about a situation that is usually it's a very troubling topic. And it's has unfortunately, one in four women, one in four, or one is in one in six men have had some sort of abuse in their life. And to not have a conversation with people, they need to have an idea that they have someone that understands them and gets them you can help them through this. And now you are on the other end, making a difference and helping others and you now even have a course and you know you're all of your holistic therapies to help others.

Unknown:

Yeah, I think it's so important because I think listening as well. So sometimes when most of my clients they may come just for therapy they haven't come for anything has but in my consultation and in my aftercare when I'm speaking to them, they will then pull out. So I will find out a lot more and then everyone is an individual so you cannot treat everybody the same. Everyone is an individual and everyone goes through different different scenarios. And is in is in that moment. You get to know what it is you can't rely on just says you have to rely on your intuition. Because when you rely on your intuition, that's where the healing process again because then you can help them from deep from the depths and so you're not looking superficial. You have to learn most medicine is all about finding just working on the surface, or what we do we work deeper. We get on the inside because the healing is from the Inside to working inside out whether that is looking at what you're putting into your system. So how is how healthy is your gut? Because that has something to do with your mental well being and your physical well being? How much are you eating? Natural? You know, who are you surrounding yourself by? What are you listening to? Who are you listening to, when you sit at the table, who are you sitting at a table with. So when I talk about a table, I'm speaking about the friends that you surround yourself with. And they're people that you can sit down and have a good conversation. Because when you sit at a table with your family or your friend, to eat that food you want, when you eat every bite, you taste it taste is tasty. You want to you know, you just want to carry on eating because it makes the conversation enjoyable. So you eat there are lots of things and for me, now we have all about mindset and and health and everything. In my day. Earlier, when I was growing up, there was nothing like that. nobody talked about mindset. All you heard was don't talk about it. Don't say anything, you don't need anybody to know about it. So it was everything was hush hush, you couldn't see what the

Damaris Grossmann:

what was going on? Or how to to remedy or, or how to change the way things are?

Unknown:

Yeah, yeah. So I had to find ways of how am I going to lift myself up from the depths. And so I have this in my practices throughout the last 20 2025 years. And that I've been practicing, I had to rely on three things. And this is where my my program starts. Three things is about practices, three practices, and that is reflective, revitalize. And when you

Damaris Grossmann:

reflect and revitalize and

Unknown:

renew, and renew. So because it's on reflection, a our past is our history, we don't have to live there. You don't have to stay there for that's going to help us to move forward. So you have to reflect. And once you've reflected on how things happen, what has happened, don't blame yourself, you know, I've never blamed myself, and I've never call myself a victim. Because when you start naming yourself like that is it's have something to do with your conscious and your subconscious. So you start naming yourself and blaming yourself. So yes, I asked, Why did it happen? And you say, Well, you know, most people say, Well, if there was a god, why did he allow that. And for me, it's not about God is about people taking responsibility for their actions. They know what they were doing was wrong. They know that it wasn't something they should do to a small child. But they chose to do that. That's their choice. That's a choice that they made. And so they need to deal with the consequences. Now I could say, okay, they did that to me. So I become a rebel, I'll be there. So I'll be that'll be or I'm not saying that I couldn't think about it. I'm not saying that I didn't think about maybe what what's the point in living if, if this is going to be happening to me, why why do I have to live? What's the What am I living for? But then on the flip side, okay, my life is worth something. And I started looking at the positive side of things. And I remember my sister in law said my cousin in law's always said to me one day, because there was a young girl that got raped by an elderly person, I think she was about three years old or something like that. And I was really, I got really upset and really angry, and she couldn't understand why I was in that frame. And I kept saying, no, nothing wrong, nothing, no, nothing wrong. And just about as I was about to go to do my degree in International spa management, and she said to me, and then eventually I told her what happened. And she said, Are you sure you should be doing that? I'm not doing psychology and become a psychologist. I said, No, I can't become a psychologist because I might end up hurting someone if you know somebody do something, I might end up letting them say no, I prefer where I am. I could listen to everything. And I can work with people from that point of view. So it still still as I'm doing psychology, because people will still tell me their problems. And then I will help them find a solution. Now it's up to them to take my suggestion, or not take my suggestions and do something about it. So I think it's really a nice place to be to help others.

Damaris Grossmann:

Yeah, I think you're in a good place at this point in your life. Is that correct? You've been through your revitalization. You're renewing um, Do you feel from Do you have any clients recently a story that you'd like to share?

Unknown:

Yeah, I mean, a couple. Is it last month, I think earlier, is it earlier this month or last month, I, I had a client who came in for therapy, therapeutic treatments. And during the therapeutic treatments, I found out certain things during that time. And I just allowed a while during the treatment, she just ended up crying. And I was like, Oh, my gosh, what just happened. And then I just said, No, just go ahead, just release it just because there's no point holding on to it. Just release and and then I just allowed her just rest my hands and on her back and just allowed her to just just release. And that was a that that felt really good afterwards. So we then carried on with the treatment afterwards. And I think she went out to dinner with another friend. And the friend looked at her face and said, Oh, my God, she looks so peaceful and so lovely. What has happened. And then she mentioned in her home, she came to me and we we had a therapeutic treatments and everything like that, and that friend and booked him to come and have a therapeutic treatment. And again, same thing happened, she ended up speaking to me about certain things that has happened and where she is at the moment. And I just said, you know, you know is good that you're taking your power back is good that you are in this situation and stuff and just gave my suggestions as well. And then again, a flood of tears come down. And it's all about body releasing, you know, there. It's about releasing.

Damaris Grossmann:

Yeah, the star or whatever they call it trauma, whatever the name, we're calling it that has happened. It's releasing all of that negativity.

Unknown:

Yeah, yeah. And is when when that release, come you feel so, so free, and it's all about that is not holding on to it is not we have as women, we have a tendency to blame ourselves. And everything that happens is our fault. Yes, we might have something in some kind of part to play, but not necessarily. The sometimes is when you're strong, because for me, having had to not be able to speak to anyone about what has happened. And even when I spoke about it, it was like he he lying, you know, a child will always tell you not tell him the truth and things like that. Nobody believed that. And so I said, I stopped talking, I stopped telling anyone anything, it was just a conversation between myself and the father. So he's my father, then you have to do something about it, not me Is he This is your, your domain. And so when you grew up, you tend to like keep everything in, you suppress that suppressing, suppressing, and the more you suppress it, then it has a mental effect on you, then it has a physical effect on you. And every area of your life starts spiraling. And you're thinking, Well, what do I do? Who can I go to? And one of the things that I remember, I remember speaking to a girlfriend, and then the next thing you know, everybody knew about it. And when I got married before I got married, I knew sex was going to be a problem. I knew if he use certain words, if he said certain things, if you behave in a certain manner, I knew I was shut down. So before we got married, I said to him, these are the things that has happened. This is what has happened to me. So if you don't want to carry on marriage, that's fine. I understand. But if you were to do this, or you were to save this, this is the result. This is what's going to happen. So I didn't hide anything. I said it. And that was used as a weapon.

Damaris Grossmann:

So he actually you have the vulnerability it actually became negativity. Oh, goodness,

Unknown:

yes. Yeah. So because as well, what what they realize is that, oh my gosh, how strong is she? Oh my gosh, how powerful Ha. So hard that's trying to go through all of the angry straw and to be in a good frame of mind. So what what they see is a lot more and they think in how can I break you? How can I break you down? Because you are too strong for me. So how am I going to look for ways to break you? And you have got to stand in your own strength and you're not realizing because I didn't realize that is only later I got to realize oh my gosh, how strong am I and there's other friends I remember I have I have this friend in in. In Georgia. She used to say she said to me, You don't know how strong you are. You don't know how powerful you are. You know you Travel the world you from where you came from, you traveled the world, you went back to university, you did all of those things at a meal mature agent, and look where you are now. So sometimes we don't see and what others see in us, but we have got to really look deep within ourselves because everything is on the inside. We have everything on the inside to heal ourselves, we have everything on the inside, to take ourselves from one level to the another, the transformation begins on the inside.

Damaris Grossmann:

I could not agree more. I very much. So always talk about the strength within. And, you know, I think that we don't always give us ourselves, the time to reflect. And the time and it's a scary thing. You know, it's a scary thing to kind of look within. Yeah, but it's part of the process of healing and, and part of the process of managing wherever our illness or health or life is. Yeah, it is.

Unknown:

Yeah, it is. And that's why it's so important with the program that I have developed is called unstoppable resilience. Resilience is unstoppable, so unstoppable resilience, three powerful practices to take your power back to health and wellness. So three ways to take your power back from I it's three steps to wholeness. So with the three steps to wholeness comes the three R's. And the three R's, as I mentioned, is reflect, you must reflect on reflection. So on reflection, you will find a lot of things that has happened that made you who you are, but he just needs someone to help you to draw those things out. And that's why I'm here. And then you have your revitalizing. So once you've reflect he didn't need to revitalize your body, your mind and your soul. Because the important thing I often say is, you might think of something. Okay, so out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks with the heart, man believe we think we believe here, but we don't believe here. Thoughts are just thoughts. And then we can change those thoughts a thoughts come here. But when we believe we believe in here, so if we have something up here that is negative, and then we allow it to enter here, that's what we keep repeating. But if we have a tear that thought and we banish that thought and think, Oh, no, I'm powerful. Oh, no, I'm fantastic. Oh, no, I'm able, I'm keeping her. You know, once we start doing that, we start to feel stronger. And then we think in Oh, my gosh, I was not aware of this so that with without reflection, he then able to revitalize. And then before we go to the renewing materially renewing stage is about detoxification. So just as we need to detoxify our body, but sometimes I ask people, when was the last time you detox? And they will say, What do you mean by that? detox? Okay, when was the last time you cleanse, you take an internal cleanse, cleanse your body out, to get rid of some of the things in your gut, and you know, it got hurt, and you know, just clean, just do a cleanse. Same way your spring, clean your house, you need to spring clean your body. The same way concerning cleaning your body, you need to spring clean your mind. So there is that interconnectedness. And we don't be we we don't think about that.

Damaris Grossmann:

We don't want to clean it out. Right? Or people are wondering why it's all backed up? Or why would you buy these patterns keep coming right and these thoughts and if we're not cleaning in a way or, and so you're going to help you have a you know, a way of getting individuals or clients of yours to to work with them in this area. I think that's amazing. I can't wait to have them, show the notes for you and share them in the show notes. And for others to reach out to you and do you have a way that they can reach out to you or any other because of the upcoming course and how can they reach you?

Unknown:

Yeah, my upcoming course will be ready at the end of this month September. So I'm just finishing doing the finishing touches to it and doing some videos for them to listen to and then they can have a one to one with me. So we know exactly what we need to be focused on because as I mentioned before, everybody's an individual and it's a it's it's they can contact me on my Instagram, which is when underscore Harry on my Instagram or they can go on my website which is lovey refresh.co.uk And they can also find me on Facebook, lovely refresh on on Facebook television, my channel but remember the YouTube channel address or what have you. I think I'll have that all sent to you. So you have that you can put it on and hyper refresh for me as well. So yeah,

Damaris Grossmann:

say that again. Say that again. I

Unknown:

would like to find a telephone me they can. My phone number if they call in the UK is plus four, four. And my number is 782-818-1254.

Damaris Grossmann:

I'll have that in the show notes too. If they contact you, they can text or phone phone you at some point. So thank you so much. Is there one little extra tip that you'd like to share with the audience before

Unknown:

you go? Yes, I would. I would like to see if you sit. If you are listening to me now listening to Dr. Damaris, and myself. And you're thinking, what can I do or I don't know what to do. Just remember you have everything within you. Just remember you are not alone. There are people out here who are here to support you. I am here, and so is Dr. Damaris. She is there to help. We are here to help we're here coming together to be a force to help you come out use your because whatever you are going through is not for you. Is for someone as is for you to help someone else is for you to use that gift because what you have is a gift. Each day is a gift. So each day you wake up in the morning, be grateful, be thankful thankful that you have eyes to see is to hear mouth to speak. I see feet to walk hands to touch. You know there is there is something so you have a gift. So they'll certainly give us it.

Damaris Grossmann:

I love it. It's so beautiful. wonderfully said thank you so much Varna for your time and your energy today. I am very grateful for you being on the show today. Thank you very much for having me. It's a pleasure. I really appreciate it and the audience and those watching have also really gotten a wonderful wealth of knowledge from you. So thanks again for joining in on the mindfully integrative show and each one of you find a mindful way each and every day. Have a wonderful day or whatever time it is for you. Bye